Um, like, so, er… they’re all words that have slipped into everyday vocabulary and they’re known as hesitation or filler words.
There may be a number of reasons we use them – to fill a silence, out of habit, or we think it has meaning for what we are saying.
I’m a huge ‘like’ user – I just like think like I don’t even hear myself saying it anymore. My dad has often pointed it out to me and when I try to explain why I use it, I say it even more.
Here are some techniques I’m using to try and stop using ‘like’ and the same steps can be taken to overcome any words or phrases you use that don’t add meaning to your message.
Step 1 – Film yourself
If you’re anything like me, you have no idea how much you use filler words – it’s as if our minds don’t even register them as words. See, our minds know they add no real value to our speech, we just need to train our mouths to agree.
Begin filming yourself when you’re talking to family or friends so that you can hear what you sound like in everyday conversations. This is the best way to become aware of filler words you use.
List of some of the most common filler words and phrases:
- Um / Ummm
- Ah/ Uh/ Er
- Like
- So
- Ok
- Well
- Do you know what I mean?
- You know?
Note: When referring to ‘like’ as a filler word, this does not include using the word ‘like’ as a simile, such as ‘this cupcake tastes like heaven.’
Once you’ve identified your filler words, you know to listen out for them. You can also think about why you use them.
- Try our Online Presenting course, which records you as you practice presenting.
Step 2 – Break the habit
Like any habit you want to quit, you need to commit yourself to it. Start off small and try and eliminate, or significantly decrease, your use of hesitation words in everyday conversation.
When you hear yourself say one, backtrack and replace it with the word you actually mean to say, or repeat the last couple of words without the filler word. The more you do this, the quicker you’ll train your mind away from them.
It’s important to try and understand why you use filler words. You might just need to slow down. When we speak too fast, we are more likely to take a moment to process our thoughts and use words such as ‘um’ or ‘like’ while our minds catches up with itself.
If you’re losing your trail of thought, don’t be afraid to have a moment of silence. You might think this is awkward mid-conversation, but silence is always longer in our heads than it is in reality. In fact, pausing can strengthen the message of what you’re saying, especially in formal situations.
Step 3 – Practice in a formal setting
Once you’ve become more aware of filler words in conversations, it’s time to test your use of them in formal situations, where you’re more likely to use them. A perfect example is presenting at a conference – something that 74% of people fear.
The best way of minimising your ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’ is to know your speech well. You want to know when to talk about certain points and what you want to include in your message without memorising a script.
Using a script can be detrimental to your speech for a number of reasons, with one of the main reasons being that you’re more likely to use hesitation words not less likely.
You might feel safer memorizing a script but if you lose your place, you won’t know what’s coming next because you’ve learnt the script in a certain order. When you don’t know what to say, that’s when you’ll start um, like getting er mixed up, you know?
VirtualSpeech practice exercises track the filler words you use in your speech, both for video based and in-person speeches.
The best way I’m practicing for this situation is using VirtualSpeech practice exercises, where you can practice your speech and receive instant feedback on your use of filler words, both for video and in-person presentations.
Practicing in these exercises is more realistic than imagining yourself in front of an audience because the simulation makes you feel like you’re actually speaking to an audience who is staring at you.
Remember that everyone uses hesitation words so it’s not the end of the world if you still say the occasional one here and there. The important thing is that you kick the habit of saying them in every conversation.
They dilute the power of what you’re saying and, let’s be honest, they can be annoying and distracting for the person you’re talking to as well. Do you have any tips on avoiding hesitation words?